Resettling: Life at Home (For Now)

by Kim on May 21, 2015 · 17 comments

We’ve been “home” for about two months now. I’ve sat down a number of times to explain how that feels and each time I abandon the effort for something easier like reading or, ahem, eating.

But this is my attempt to just fumble through it, so here goes.

I don’t miss traveling. We made the right decision coming “home.” And I put home in quotation marks because we don’t really feel home. We are around family and that is nice and good, but Cincinnati is not the place for us. I’m glad we came back here, because otherwise we would have always wondered what if. But the truth is we both feel like crayons in a box of pencils, books in a bag of DVDs. We don’t fit here, and that’s okay. Cincinnati is just a temporary stop on the longer continuum of whatever comes next. We got the place wrong, perhaps, but the sentiment right. To stop for a while, slow down, bring a life into the world.

The change has been a little different for Brian of course. I sit on the couch all day writing. Then I take a long walk, shower, and spend the afternoons reading. He wakes to an alarm, fights rush hour traffic, and sits for eight hours in a cubicle (In a basement! No windows!). Some days are good and some days are bad. I text him pep talks. I say, “temporary, temporary.”

My afternoons

My afternoons. Another bonus of having an address: library card!

I think adjustment for both of us would be harder if we didn’t have this life-changing, all-consuming anticipation of September, the month when we will meet our daughter. I suppose every expectant parent understands this feeling, the mixture of fear and elation, hope and doubt. Everything is overshadowed by the impending arrival of this little life that kicks away inside of me.

23 weeks pregnant

23 weeks pregnant (about 6 months). Random side note, I love this Royal Robbins dress that is not maternity and therefore not a waste of money because I’ll be able to wear it when my body (hopefully) returns to normal.

23 weeks pregnant

A birds eye view of the ever-expanding belly. I already grunt when I tie those shoes. I can’t imagine what the next 3+ months will be like.

This is a sweet time, one of those rare seasons when one is fully aware of the magic as it is happening. I think of each day, even as I am living it, with an almost nostalgic fondness. The anticipation of our baby is so much larger and more emotional than anything either of us have ever felt. And so the crappy commute and the basement cubicle, the out-of-body experience of being an adult back in the Midwest, it’s all minor compared to what we wait for.

What comes down the line is unknown. We have no idea what it will be like to be parents. We don’t know if I will sell my book. And, if I do sell my book, we don’t know if it will allow us the kind of financial flexibility we hope for. We don’t know if we will set out traveling again or if we’ll continue to stay in one place. And if we stay in one place we don’t know where we’ll live.

But if these past few years have taught me anything they have taught me to have faith in what I know is true: The voice that speaks inside of me will not steer me wrong. And so I don’t worry so much about what comes next. I know we’ll be guided there when the time is right. In the meantime, I’m okay to sit with the mystery.

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An Update on Sam the Dog

Many of you have asked what happened to Sam, the dog we adopted in Mexico. I’m sorry it has taken so long for me to post this update!!

Sam the dog

Sweet Sam.

You may have noticed that Sam did not come home with us. Sam was a stray when we found him. He was starving and covered in ticks. He followed us home. He slept like a dead man on our couch. We fell in love. We put a collar on him, symbolically Mexican for “this dog is a pet.” Most dogs in Sayulita roamed free, and many days Sam would take himself to the beach. But one day Sam left and he never came back. We looked everywhere for him. But no one in town knew what had become of him. He’d vanished from Sayulita. Our theory is that, because he was a purebred Basset Hound, someone stole him and resold him in another town. We just hope that, wherever he is, someone loves him as much as we did. We miss you Sam!

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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Trish Moratto May 21, 2015 at 9:52 am

Oh man I feel so connected with you guys. We went from traveling the world with total freedom to 6 months ago giving birth to our daughter. If you are looking for places to settle down you guys should check out Nevada City here near Sacramento. It’s full of wonderful travelers, beautiful mountains, the breath-taking Yuba river, community-centered events and lots of hippies. 🙂 Anyway, if you are ever in Cal hit us up. We can have a play date!

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Darcy May 21, 2015 at 10:16 am

Nashville is awfully close and it gets in your blood pretty quickly. Some of us never planned to stay more than 24 -36 months when we moved here (cough) 17 years ago. 🙂 If you guys ever want come down to check it out, you have my email to contact me (sent about Sayulita before you went) and you’re welcome to stay at my house- unofficial couchsurfing (although I am on there.)

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Carmel May 21, 2015 at 12:20 pm

Sam had his own adventures to pursue I guess!
I was pretty much nodding through this entire post in agreement. I hear you. A lot of those same thoughts roam through my head daily and I have to remind myself that this is temporary.

You look adorable! I can’t wait to meet her!
Carmel recently posted..THE QUESTION ALL TRAVELERS ASK THEMSELVES AFTER COMING HOME

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gail May 21, 2015 at 12:51 pm

Sit with the mystery. That’s beautiful. I love your focus on inner guidance. So true. I wish both of you all the best. I have no doubt you’ll sell your book.
gail recently posted..What losing 85 lbs taught me about healing

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Patti May 21, 2015 at 1:00 pm

Crayons in a box of pencils. Yes!
Patti recently posted..Santiago de Compostela! Day 35

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Lora May 21, 2015 at 8:21 pm

Your writing is very thought provoking and all your adventures are truly inspirational. I would love to read your book!

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Joanne Joseph May 22, 2015 at 12:34 am

Notes:
1. I vote for Ashland, OR
2. Can’t wait to hear what your baby girls name will be
3. I too want to read your book and wish you huge success with it
4. Love the picture of your belly and tips of your shoes
5. You always leave me feeling better for reading your posts.
Joanne Joseph recently posted..Picture of the Day ~ Blarney Castle, Ireland

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Rhonda May 22, 2015 at 8:04 am

I can understand why this post took you so long to publish… I knew Cincinnati wasn’t the right spot for you, but know you needed “somewhere” to call home for a bit. I also understand exactly your feeling of not fitting in, a feeling we still fight years later but are getting closer and closer to reconciling with the life we want.. at least for now. I think the joy of life in this day and age is that we HAVE so many choices… and the choice you make doesn’t have to be forever. You needed to travel and you did. You needed to write and you do. Now you’re stepping over into the next adventure in life and who knows where that will take you but we’ll be interested to follow along. Love to you both from PDX XOXO (but I’m still sad about Sam 🙁 I’m choosing to think he is with another family who loves him to pieces!)
Rhonda recently posted..Sniffing for Coffee

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Gilda Baxter May 23, 2015 at 1:28 am

Hi Kim, it will be great to be near your family when the baby arrives. I had my daughter here in England ( she was also a September baby) and had no family to help me out and I did miss not having my mum near me. Cincinnati might grow on you as you settle down. I hated moving to the South of England from London, yet it turned out to be the best thing. The universe will provide and the answers will come. I will most definitely be buying and reading your book. You look fabulous.
Gilda Baxter recently posted..Canela, Brazil – And A Tale Of A Cinnamon Tree

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Rob May 24, 2015 at 1:30 am

Oh sorry about little Sam, I love Carmel’s adventure comment.

You sound ultra-content with the baby part of life, great to hear. I imagine it does put everything else in perspective. Plus the book baby sounds pant wettingly exciting.
Rob recently posted..The day we broke Donkey (our tandem bike)

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heather May 24, 2015 at 3:51 pm

The heart is a lonely hunter is one of my favorite books. The age she was when she had the insight to write that is mind blowing.
It is hard to ever know a damn thing, but, you are doing a bang up job of it anyway.
Keep checking in, and good luck with your book writing. It will sell.
If you have never read Joan Didion’s ‘Play it as it Lays’, think about the next time you hit the library. The precision of the writing is intense.

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Katie May 24, 2015 at 9:21 pm

I hope you find your place Kim. I believe there is more than one place for all of us, just as there isn’t one soul mate, and maybe we will be lucky to find at least one of them during our lifetimes. I found one of my places and lived there for 6 months: Vancouver. I have been dying to live there again ever since but it will involve having to immigrate to Canada which will likely be hard and expensive, but not impossible. We are going to try. First I will be heading back to my home country of New Zealand for a couple of years, my other special place
Katie recently posted..An Autumn Weekend in Orange

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Ben Miller May 26, 2015 at 8:38 pm

Try Colorado Springs! Right up against Pike’s Peak, good schools, relatively affordable housing, and we need young families like you!

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Laura // Roam Far and Wide June 18, 2015 at 3:22 am

What an exciting time in your life although filed with uncertainty. But traveling prepared you for that. I am excited to read about the next chapter and eagerly await your book!
Laura // Roam Far and Wide recently posted..Gavdos Island, Greece: Timeless,Wild and Free

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Mich July 13, 2015 at 3:14 am

SAM, hope he feels better soon. He looks quite sad at this pic.

And oh, you are such a great looking pregnant lady. Love the outfit too!
Mich recently posted..If This Video Is Not Enough To Convince You To Move in Michigan, I Don’t Know What Else Will!

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Carol Newlands July 20, 2015 at 8:53 pm

I hope you are happy now! Faith is a light in your heart even though your eyes see full darkness. Change is good for all of us, just don’t focus on what you used to have in the past but rather fighting to create better new. Change is difficult but when we learn to cope up we would love it.

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Victoria Graham November 25, 2015 at 5:21 am

I am also pregnant and because of that I need to stay on one place and settle. I have been traveling with my fiance for 4 years as we are both travel photographers. We moved back to London when I got pregnant and now we are planning to take it easy and stop with the traveling for few years. Thank you for sharing!

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