Lately. Scenes from Acadia National Park.

by Kim on July 3, 2014 · 30 comments

Let me say, because it is the truth to say it, that I am under a lot of stress. I can’t really explain why because it is not my story to tell. I can only say that someone I love and care about (not Brian) is suffering and I am having some sleepless nights over it.

The thing about stress is you can’t really escape it. You can’t hide from it because it lives inside of you. You can drink it away temporarily, many do. You can run for miles to try to dull the squeeze of it inside your chest (that is what I used to do). There are many ways to cope, I am sure, but this is not the place to form a list of them.

This time, I have tried to face the stress head on, to meet the discomfort, concern and the anxiety at the door, to fling the door wide open before stress even knocks. I am trying to do the brave thing, to ask the hard questions. But I am filled with doubt. Truthfully, I feel unequipped to help.

I am reading a lot about Buddhism, not because of this, but it comes at a good time. Impermanence is supposed to make me feel better. Impermanence means that nothing is forever, that this will one day be nothing, that everything and everyone I know will one day be nothing. I am trying to do the Buddha-thing: to let the hard times teach and shape me. But this is difficult and uncomfortable and I am not wholly convinced that I am succeeding in even the smallest way.

Anyway.

A few days ago Brian and I went to Acadia National Park for a mini-vacation.

There was no WIFI, no cell phone reception. I tried to put some distance between myself and the stress. I didn’t succeed, really, but I did find some peace in the beauty of the park and even in the mosquitos and their biting distraction.

Each night when the sky went pink and etherial, I would scramble onto the rocky shore of the Atlantic Ocean and ask for help. Please, I’d say, I don’t know what to do. Send me wisdom. Send me guidance. Send me strength.

And each morning when I woke up having slipped into the soft dawn of a new day, I would lie in my tent and stare up through the slotted branches of the trees. I would breathe my own warm breath into the cool dew of early morning. And I would wonder, in that unfolding hour of clarity, if I don’t already have all that I’ve been asking for.

Acadia view

Acadia hiking

Acadiasign

Acadia sailboat

Acadia sunset trees

Acadia sunset

 

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{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }

Carmel July 3, 2014 at 12:04 pm

Honestly, after my own personal tragedies and in the face of similar stressful situations (where it’s not up to me to make a change, but someone I love), this is the only kind of prayer I can say. It’s hard to not make prayer into a wish list, of sorts, because in some ways, we’ve been taught to do that. But, especially after my brother died, my prayers turned more into asking for help, wisdom, guidance, and the capacity to continue loving and living. It’s hard. I’m sorry for your personal stress, but I’ll pray for you and your loved one that you might both find whatever path you need.
Carmel recently posted..VOUS ÊTES ICI

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Kim July 4, 2014 at 10:01 am

Thanks Carmel :) Much love to you.

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Ali July 3, 2014 at 2:47 pm

Kim, I’m so sorry for whatever it is that’s causing you stress and pain. I hope you find the peace you need. I’m thinking of you, hugs!
Ali recently posted..Traveling is Just Doing Laundry in Other Places

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Kim July 4, 2014 at 10:01 am

Thanks Ali. Actually, I feel better just writing about it. I’m glad I wrote this post. The stress was kind of blocking me!

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Karyn @ Not Done Travelling July 4, 2014 at 1:21 am

Honey I’m so sorry to hear that your loved one is suffering and that you are so stressed out! I wish we could do more to help. I hope everything turns out ok. *hugs*
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Kim July 4, 2014 at 10:03 am

Thank you Karyn. It’s really nice to just write about the stress- we all have it, it’s a part of life and I’m trying really, REALLY hard to find a way to manage it (detach from it?). A work in progress!

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Donna July 4, 2014 at 7:36 am

Anytime I am feeling like I can’t cope or am overwhelmed, I turn to the ocean. I grew up not far from that park, across the water in Yarmouth, Nova Scotia. I wish I could help you with whatever you are facing right now. Some of your posts have really struck a chord with me but I don’t have anything I can say other than many people’s thoughts and hearts are with you, draw on that positive energy to help you with this. Hugs.
Donna recently posted..There’s No Place Like Home

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Kim July 4, 2014 at 10:04 am

Thank you Donna. That is all you need to say and it is much appreciated.

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Steven July 4, 2014 at 8:27 am

Hey.
I hear you loud and clear…stress is underrated and effects each of us in different ways, big and small.

Sometimes all we need is a break from the world…and a few days at the wild coasts is the perfect spot.

Thanks for sharing.
Steven recently posted..There Is No Such Thing As A British Accent!!

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Kim July 4, 2014 at 10:05 am

I am SUCH a worrier. It is probably the quality I would most like to change about myself. It makes these situations terrible for me because I just carry that worry everywhere- into my dreams at night, the scroll of thoughts that run across my mind during the day. Thanks Steve for your comment.

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Andrea July 4, 2014 at 2:54 pm

Sending you healing energy and prayers to breathe in peace, surround yourself in the knowledge you are doing all you can….your love for others goes further than you realize. It will take time for it to sink in…. Peace to you my friend!!

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Kim July 9, 2014 at 6:37 am

Thanks Andrea.

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Sarah Somewhere July 4, 2014 at 3:51 pm

Oh Kim. So glad I broke my internet fast for this. Not happy to read of your stress, but happy you are writing it out. I know you will be writing it ALL out intimately for yourself, and if you’re not, I hope you are. Facing it, yes. Feeling it all. Sending out intentions and love and asking to be filled with the strength to accept whatever the universe has in mind. Not that we are impermanent, but that we are truly eternal. Love you.
Sarah Somewhere recently posted..#soulshots – Be Open

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Kim July 9, 2014 at 6:37 am

Thanks Sarah. Yes, I’m trying the best I can, struggling through. Hard for me, harder for my loved one.

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Jennifer Blair July 4, 2014 at 7:14 pm

Kim-
Your post really touched me, as I am going thru something very similar. I am not a worrier but I do want to “fix” situations and when loved ones are in a place where I can’t help them but only love them, it makes me feel powerless and out of control. I am not in a place where I can find a quiet place to commune with nature (which always makes me feel better) so I’m struggling to find another way to deal with it all. My thoughts are with you as you find ways to deal with your situation and I will try to follow your lead. Hugs to you.

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Kim July 9, 2014 at 6:38 am

Hi Jen,

My thoughts are with you as well. I hope you also find a way to deal with the situation and that you have some relief soon. XO

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Don July 4, 2014 at 11:38 pm

I’m so sorry for your situation. Wise words seem to elude me so I’ll simply pray for you and your loved ones. Peace be with you.

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Kim July 9, 2014 at 6:39 am

Thanks Don. I appreciate it.

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Gillian July 5, 2014 at 4:27 am

Kim, I hope your loved one has peace soon and that you, too, will be relieved of your worry. I think there is nothing worse than a situation that you cannot change yourself but worry about endlessly. Take care.

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Kim July 9, 2014 at 6:40 am

Totally agree. The worst situations are the ones that don’t directly involve you. If it were me, I know how I would handle it and I know I could get through it but… not me. Still, it impacts me greatly.

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Elesha July 5, 2014 at 11:54 pm

Great post Kim. It was very timely for me to read this.

If someone you love is facing suffering it is almost impossible to untangle yourself from the stress and anxiety that can weave it’s way around your insides. It is true though, nothing is forever – it will grow, or change or disappear. Being in the moment and grateful for all you have right here and now is the best way I find to relieve stress and anxiety, and knowing that so much is out of our hands. I hope you find strength and peace to draw on at this time.
Elesha recently posted..A new beginning – Debt Freedom

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Kim July 9, 2014 at 6:40 am

Thanks Elesha, I appreciate your wise words.

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Renee July 6, 2014 at 5:37 am

Holding you both in my thoughts and prayers.

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Kim July 9, 2014 at 6:40 am

Thanks Renee. I do appreciate it greatly.

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Oliver July 6, 2014 at 7:31 am

Kim, there seems to be quite a weight you have to carry at present. I admire how you (in the truest sense of the word) face the situation. I hope you and the person in your mind is finding balance and peace soon! May you be able to “fade out” the stress, but maybe even more important: overcome it and slowly but surely regain a certain “lightness”… Most of the pictures indicate “vastness” and distance, I hope that in the scenery of your mind you will find a few spots that comfort you with stunning clarity, soothing tranquillity and maybe surprising view… Take care!
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Kim July 9, 2014 at 6:42 am

Thanks Oliver. Your comments always seem to shed some light for me. You are right, the pictures do indicate vastness (something I hadn’t noticed before) and I think I am hoping for some space and room to breathe and be free of this.

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Rhonda July 7, 2014 at 5:34 pm

Oh Kim, my heart breaks for you. It’s so painful to feel helpless when all you want to do is run out and FIX IT, whatever that IT is. I’m grateful some time in nature at least helped you achieve at least a bit of clarity. What a challenging couple of months you’ve had. You and Brian are both in our thoughts and prayers that you find some peace soon. XOXO
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Kim July 9, 2014 at 6:43 am

OMG, Rhonda, 2014 has been a CRAP year. Such crap! Of course, it is all relative and I am trying to focus on all of the wonderful things instead of the hard things. The only thing we can control in this life is our attitude– it makes such a big difference.

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Victoria July 14, 2014 at 9:16 am

Sending lots of love. Hope your loved one is okay x
Victoria recently posted..The surprising charms of Singapore

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Kim July 16, 2014 at 7:04 am

Thanks Victoria, much appreciated x

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