God in India

by Kim on May 4, 2014 · 84 comments

I’m often asked what my favorite experience from our travels is. “If you could just pick one thing?” someone inevitably asks me. Of course, it’s impossible for me to answer the question. Looking back, I love the good times just as much as the bad ones. I love the times when I was scared and sick just as much as the times when I was head-over-heels in love with the adventure. I love each experience for what it taught me about the world. And I love each experience for what it taught me about myself.

But, to tell you the truth, there is this one thing.

I hesitate to even tell the story because I know it won’t mean on paper what it means in my heart. I’ve never told this story on the blog. I rarely tell it in person because I know I can’t do it justice. Here I am already apologizing for not giving the experience the credit it deserves. This isn’t some heart-thumping, page-turner of a story. It was just a moment, really, a small interaction. But I think about it every day.

My Dad tells me that I am on a journey of self-discovery. But I wouldn’t put it like that. Maybe he’s right metaphorically speaking, but my journey wasn’t something I set out on with a destination in mind like Lewis and Clark pointing their wagons west. All I did was simply follow the voice inside (not a real voice, friends, but an internal longing that I call ‘the voice’) that told me there was more out there for me if only I’d be brave enough to seek it. Then it asked for more meaning and for me to try to understand the world in a different way. It kept asking for things and I kept going after them because I realized the voice was the best compass I had in this world. (And to think that it has been there my entire life!)

Anyway, I tell you that because over time the voice began asking about God. Basically, did some sort of higher power exist? I wasn’t raised with religion and I wasn’t looking for it. What I was curious about was the thing that transcended religion. I wanted to know more about that spiritual vibration that all religions raise their heads to. Eventually what I came to believe is that we are all essentially worshiping the same thing, no matter what name we give it. And so I began to define God as that unexplainable force of love that is bigger than religion.

So, this story starts in India. Ha! You probably guessed it.

Brian and I were living in Goa. A friend came to visit and in the weeks of her stay we did a wild tour around the country. Because we both love the mountains we decided to go to Dharamsala, the home of the Dalai Lama, at the base of the Himalayan Mountains. To get there we had to fly to Delhi and then take an 18-hour train ride north. Since we’d be in Delhi we decided to take the train to Agra and visit that iconic landmark, the Taj Mahal.

Delhi train station

Waiting for the train in Delhi, India.

So we went. We caught the Taj Express (yes, the real name!) out of Delhi very early in the morning and arrived in Agra at 10 a.m. We had not eaten breakfast so we stopped at a little café, picked at random, on a busy tourist road that leads to the entrance of the Taj Mahal. I do not remember the name of the restaurant.

We sat at a table near the window. I drank a banana lassi and stared out at the street scene. I was wearing a beautiful, hand-beaded tunic called a kameez that I’d picked up at a tiny shop in the northern Indian town of Burma. I loved the shirt, it was utterly beautiful, but I felt shy wearing it. I wasn’t accustomed to wearing Indian clothing.

My friend, Wendy, and I chatted quietly at our table. Near the door sat a table of Indian women dressed in the most beautiful, colorful saris. I realized that they were looking over at Wendy and me and then back to their table to discuss us. They were giggling. I wondered if they were making fun of my shirt, which I had paired with non-Indian jeans and tennis shoes. I felt self-conscious and embarrassed.

There were four older women and three younger ones. We were obviously the talk of their breakfast. Two white girls, one of them dressed in an Indian kameez, how funny! I was getting a bit annoyed with the attention, to be honest. But then one of the older women, she was wearing a sky blue sari that flowed to the floor like a river, turned to me and said something in a language I did not understand. And she beamed the brightest smile. She had dark eyes, deep pools that danced like light on water, and with her attention directed squarely at me I saw that she radiated a maternal kindness.

I looked up from my lassi as she spoke to me and cocked my head to the side in vague interpretation, like a dog is wont to do.

“I’m sorry,” I shook my head at her. “I don’t know what you said.”

The girl sitting across from the woman, a young, beautiful girl with smooth skin and a round face said, “That is my mother. She is speaking to you in Punjabi. We are from Punjab.”

“Oh,” I said, nodding. The older woman stared and smiled.

“My mother just loves you,” the daughter continued. “She is saying hello to you in our language.”

I repeated it back, the word. The woman with the sky blue sari laughed and the table laughed with her.

I turned my attention back to Wendy. Our food arrived and we ate. The table of women looked like a beautiful flock of exotic birds.

I did not see the woman in the sky blue sari approach until she was directly in front of me. I looked up at her in surprise. She was smiling, I do not remember her face without a smile, and then she reached out and took my face in her hands, cupping them around my chin like you might do to a child. Her eyes danced and sparkled, and she said to me slowly in lilted English, her palms warm against the cool of my cheeks, “You make me so happy.” Hap-E! The end of the word spoken in an upswing, like a celebration.

This is the part that I can’t explain to you. I’ve tried to write this a dozen times in a dozen different ways. There’s no way to explain it so I will just say it simply. I believed her. I knew like I had never known anything before that what she said was true and I was cherished. I’ve never felt anything quite so powerful in my life, before or after.

And then she was gone. And I was left with the most solid, grounded feeling, like I knew that everything, including me, was perfect, and that there was nothing at all to worry about.

It’s been over a year since it happened and I can tell you that something changed forever for me that day. I know, in the same sure way that I know my own name, that I am perfect despite all of my imperfections, that we all are.

It wasn’t until some months later that I realized I’d begun to wonder if perhaps I hadn’t met God in that tiny eatery in India. Because one of the things I’ve learned to believe about God is that, if you are open, God will lead you to the things you need to know.

Maybe that woman in the blue sari wasn’t God. No matter, she is God to me. Because I know what she did for me. And I believe that, should you meet her, God will be the kind of woman who will hold your face in her hands and smile at you with glimmering eyes. She will say, in the language you understand, you make me so happy. And you will know without a doubt, you will know despite yourself, that it is true.

At the Taj Mahal

Later that day, visiting the Taj Mahal.

Life on fire footer revised

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{ 82 comments… read them below or add one }

Rhonda May 4, 2014 at 2:00 pm

Lovely story Kim. You absolutely made my day because I, too, have had the same questionings over God and the search for a higher being. What a wonderful, life-changing moment, in a totally unexpected place. I’m so glad that you finally found the words to share it.
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Kim May 5, 2014 at 7:04 am

I think it’s quite natural to have those questions, you know? Sort of part of being human, sometime we all ponder at one time or another.

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Nancy G. May 4, 2014 at 2:07 pm

What an amazing meeting. Thank you for sharing a moment that is so central to your life even though others may not understand. You are sharing your truth.May your life and journey be blessed.

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Kim May 5, 2014 at 7:04 am

Thank you Nancy. May your life and journey be blessed as well.

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Kim May 4, 2014 at 3:00 pm

With tears in my eyes…….love.

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Kim May 5, 2014 at 7:04 am

Thank you :)

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Joanne Joseph May 4, 2014 at 3:06 pm

Kim, I’m so happy that your writers block has lifted and you bravely shared this very personal moment. Nicely penned!
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Kim May 5, 2014 at 7:05 am

Thanks Joanne. It’s a story I’ve been trying to tell for a long time but couldn’t find the words. I’m glad they finally arrived.

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Andrea May 4, 2014 at 3:19 pm

This brought such tears to my eyes…you know I am quite spiritual, but the whole basis of Anam Nostos House will be this! It’s seeing God in all things, in all people. A place for just anyone to exist and be at peace…no particular religion. I know I have seen what you describe in my travels, especially in my Lourdes ministry. The stories I have encountered like you find too hard to write or explain to another without sounding crazy! I think many people will treasure this post friend, thank you!

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Kim May 5, 2014 at 7:06 am

Andrea, I would love to hear the stories if you are willing to share them.

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Andrea May 7, 2014 at 11:09 am

Absolutely! Some will be in my second book once I finally get first one out, but would love to share more :-)

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Emily May 4, 2014 at 3:37 pm

I think you’ve beautifully written this powerful moment. I was so engaged I realized I wasn’t breathing until I finished reading!
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Kim May 5, 2014 at 7:07 am

Thank you Emily. It’s always hard to share a story that means so much, so I’m happy that everyone is being so positive.

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Michele C May 4, 2014 at 4:28 pm

Sometimes, my dear, you take my breath away with your writing. Maybe you should get writer’s block more often if it dislodges such beautiful stories as this!

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Kim May 5, 2014 at 7:07 am

Haha, NOOOOO. Writers block makes me crazy. But thank you for your kind words :)

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Nichole Sadowski May 4, 2014 at 5:15 pm

Best post ever! How blessed you are to have had such an encounter.

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Kim May 5, 2014 at 7:08 am

Yes, yes, agreed. I was absolutely blessed to have that experience.

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Katie May 4, 2014 at 7:41 pm

What an amazing experience. Isn’t it incredible that such a short interaction can have such a life changing impact on your life. I had an epiphany when I was in Hawaii 6 years ago and I discovered the joy of hiking. I feel like I changed that day and found a happiness that had been lacking in my life for years. You did a fantastic job writing about your experience.
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Kim May 5, 2014 at 7:08 am

Thanks Katie. I think all of these moments/epiphany’s are out there waiting for us but we need to take ourselves out of our routine in order to meet them, know what I mean?

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Candace May 4, 2014 at 10:17 pm

I have tears spilling from my eyes right now, Kim – thank you for sharing this beautiful moment, and for briefly bringing me back to beautiful India. It will never cease to amaze me how these small but overwhelmingly significant moments can leave such an impression on our hearts. XO
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Kim May 5, 2014 at 7:09 am

The small moments are the best moments :)

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Franca May 5, 2014 at 12:03 am

I’m glad you finally felt like sharing this experience. I’m not religious myself but I absolutely understand what that meeting and powerful moment meant to you and did to you. This piece beautifully written was worth the wait Kim! I’m glad you overcame your “block” :)
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Kim May 5, 2014 at 7:09 am

Thanks Franca, I’m glad about it too! Hopefully the block stays away for a long time now.

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Ali May 5, 2014 at 4:39 am

Such a beautiful post Kim! I completely understand how sometimes there are experiences you just can’t fully explain in words. But your words here put me right in that moment, as much as I could be from my couch :)
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Kim May 5, 2014 at 7:10 am

Thanks Ali :)

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Becky May 5, 2014 at 6:51 am

Wow. I am sitting here reading your post, tears falling onto my ham and cheese sandwich :). What a beautiful description. I’m embarking on my Camino journey within the week, and I know that you had a great experience when you walked The Way last year . Isn’t it funny, though, how we can plan these grand journeys as a means to reflect, or maybe to find something or Someone, but seemingly ordinary, everyday occurrences can make just as much of an impression? I like that.

Will be re-reading some of your Spain posts before leaving St. Jean this weekend!

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Kim May 5, 2014 at 7:11 am

BECKY!!!! Have a WONDERFUL time on the Camino. Oh man, I am so so so so excited for you. You will not walk away from that experience changed, even if it is a small change. Just the act of walking and being outside for so long resets something inside of you. I’m so excited!!!!!!!

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motowngirl May 5, 2014 at 7:14 am

Isn’t it interesting how our first interpretations of what others are thinking/doing can so often be 180 degrees off? Such a lovely story. Such a good reminder to never assume those things!!
Thank you Kim. I love your blog!

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Kim May 5, 2014 at 2:54 pm

Yes, so interesting. I hate that my first reaction was to assume I was the butt of their jokes- but it is terrible to be laughed at by strangers!!!

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Jordan Leigh Bryant May 5, 2014 at 7:30 am

I am so glad that I follow you blog, even if it just for this post. It is so beautiful to see how to chose to articulate your indescribable experience. It’s one of those things that’s hard to explain to those that haven’t experienced it, but it makes complete sense to me. I admire what you’re doing with your life and I truly hope you stumble upon plenty more moments like those! Stay open.

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Kim May 5, 2014 at 2:55 pm

Thank you Jordan :) I’m glad you found my blog and this post. I hope you, too, have many moments such as the one I had in India.

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Hannah May 5, 2014 at 7:45 am

LOVE this! Reading it made ME so happy – than you for sharing some of your God with us xxx
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Kim May 5, 2014 at 2:55 pm

Well thank YOU for dragging me to India ;)

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Wendy May 5, 2014 at 8:42 am

So beautiful! It brought me right back to where we were. I remember staring out at the bright blue door across the way, as the hords of tourists ran by to more toursity cafes. And there we were, in the still of it all. I had almost forgotten all about that moment. It was magical – although not surprising. Watching you walk through India was like a watching a mother walk with open arms around her children. You really found yourself there and I think truly brought light to those around you.

LOVE YOU – will write soon!

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Kim May 5, 2014 at 2:56 pm

I am so glad that you were there to share the moment with me. That country was big for both of us. LOVE YOU TOO.

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Aunt Nancy May 5, 2014 at 9:19 am

Thanks Kim. I painted the basement of our new condo with new energy today, dancing a little between strokes.

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Kim May 5, 2014 at 2:58 pm

I love it :)

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Sandra May 5, 2014 at 9:51 am

Kim, I have read so many of your blogs and enjoyed them all, but felt shy at commenting, until today’s post. Your writing was so simple and beautiful just as the action in your story. You brought tears to my eyes. Thanking you so much for sharing that wonderful moment with us.
Sandra

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Kim May 5, 2014 at 2:58 pm

Sandra, thank you for commenting- it really does raise my spirits each time I get a new comment. I’m glad that the post meant something to you- I was so afraid the moment wouldn’t translate but I think it has a bit and I am grateful for that.

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Steve C May 5, 2014 at 9:52 am

This comment list needs some diversity. So, as the first “guy” to respond to you here, I feel like the lady in blue holding your face saying “you make me so happy”. What a great first post to read on a Monday morning to start the week!

On religion and God, my mantra has always been the understanding of the ultimate power source of the universe is the lowest common denominator of all earth’s religions. We’re all in this together, no matter where you live.

Also, you have exposed another human glitch, assuming the worst until proven otherwise. I may live in la-la land, but I’ve learned to assume the best until proved otherwise. Wasn’t it sweet to find that the lady in blue and her friends were actually not making fun of you. What if her daughter didn’t speak English and didn’t come over to explain her mother’s exuberance? I’m happy for you that what took place in that little non-tourist restaurant had such an impact on you with your outlook on God.

We also had a similar experience with the young bicycle rickshaw driver we hired for the day to take us to the Taj and around town. Our interaction with him about his life (and his family) was one of the best experiences we had on our entire RTW trip. God pops up everywhere!

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Kim May 5, 2014 at 3:00 pm

Seriously, I am really lacking some male readership! Where are all the MEN??

I love this and completely agree: “We are all in this together, no matter where we live.” Also, I completely agree, God pops up everywhere. Every day too, I think.

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Patti May 5, 2014 at 10:53 am

My beliefs are what can be defined – in the dictionary – as agnostic. I remember having a great conversation with my cousin (who is a devout christian) about how I can be an agnostic but still believe in angels. As I explained to him, I believe angels walk among us, they don’t have to a deity, and I think angels come in/out of our lives when we least expect it, or we may not even know it. It’s all about the spirituality blending with the science of the universe – if that makes any sense whatsoever. You met an angel and isn’t that a gift?
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Kim May 5, 2014 at 3:01 pm

Yes, it was a gift and one I will carry with me forever.

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Aurora May 5, 2014 at 4:15 pm

Beautiful kameez. Beautiful story.
And, of course it happened in India.
I had a similar-ish story in India when a group of women in a train station stared and stared. and then called me over. My version is not so articulate as yours, http://aurorakushner.com/2011/11/14/kolkata/, but it was memorable.

Thank you for sharing. I can feel the power of that moment.
xoxo
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Kim May 6, 2014 at 6:17 am

Ha, I just read your article. I MISS INDIA SO MUCH!!!! The trains, the crowds, man… I want to go back.

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Aurora May 6, 2014 at 6:58 am

seriously.
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Margie May 5, 2014 at 4:29 pm

unbelievably beautiful
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Kim May 6, 2014 at 6:17 am

Thank you Margie.

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Karyn @ Not Done Travelling May 6, 2014 at 1:34 am

Oh my god – or goddess. :)

This story so resonated with me as I approach the divine in her feminine aspect. Even though I believe the Creator is both male and female, I do view the divine as a mother goddess. Because that’s what I need right now, at this point in my life, in THIS life. I tend to believe that’s what you needed at that time, in THIS life, too. And so the divine came to you in the form of a mother. Had you needed to encounter the divine in a different form, the divine would have chosen another person to connect with you.

I love hearing people share about the personal spiritual truths they encounter whilst travelling. I know it’s deeply personal and a lot of writers shy away from writing about this stuff, but I adore reading about it. I hope you decide to share more of this part of your life with us.
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Kim May 6, 2014 at 6:21 am

Karyn,

You know, I’ve never thought about it this way but I think you are absolutely right. This comment is kind of blowing my mind right now… thank you.

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Karyn @ Not Done Travelling May 9, 2014 at 6:44 am

No worries Kim! :) I hope it made you smile.
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Sarah Somewhere May 6, 2014 at 7:40 am

Beautiful Kim! God bless and thank you for sharing xxx
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Kim May 7, 2014 at 6:34 am

Thanks Sarah. Glad I could finally get the words out.

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Catherine May 6, 2014 at 10:24 am

Thank you for sharing this moment. It also brings up a memory of a moment I had with a man outside the train station in Mumbai. It was like yours in that it is so hard to put words to it, yet I know it happened and the person who walked away from it was slightly different. Great read. Thanks
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Kim May 7, 2014 at 6:35 am

Thanks Catherine. It’s funny that, for so many of us western people, we have these moments in India. I wonder why? Though, to be honest, India does FEEL different, not just the culture but like it exists at a different vibration. There is definitely something special about that country.

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Deborah May 6, 2014 at 4:53 pm

Bless you, Kim, for sharing this story. I think everything you thought could not fully be communicated is here. Words can’t capture love or the sacred . . . but when they are honest and skillfully delivered as yours are, they carry us to the land where we can see and feel those things. This is gorgeous. I can’t stop crying. Or smiling! And I agree with the woman in the blue sari — you make a lot of us happy!

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Kim May 7, 2014 at 6:36 am

Thanks Deb. And I’m so happy that I was about to convey a bit about how it felt to be there- it’s a hard thing to do with those indescribable moments.

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Jade May 6, 2014 at 5:00 pm

Wow, what a remarkable encounter- I literally felt like I was there whilst reading your beautiful words! I’m so happy that you had this experience, I can’t explain it but it’s made me happier just to know it happened.

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Kim May 7, 2014 at 6:37 am

Yay! And that makes me happy :)

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Jolene May 6, 2014 at 5:29 pm

Such a beautiful post…I felt what you were saying…awesome, awesome experience…and awesome post!

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Kim May 7, 2014 at 6:37 am

Thanks Jolene. I’m so glad you could feel what I was trying to convey.

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Oliver May 7, 2014 at 5:12 am

A gem of a story indeed! I can imagine how this truly remarkable encounter feels a bit like a magic crystal ball to you. A wee treasure that you take out every now and then, carefully “polish the surface” even though it might be one of the most shiny and sparkling things you have ever seen, and how by holding the ball in your hand you may actually see your memories dancing in it…
Kim, thanks for allowing us to sneak a peek at this crystal ball and for the magic to make that moment visible in front of our eyes as well! :)
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Kim May 7, 2014 at 6:39 am

Oliver, I love the way you put it… the memory is something that I do pull out and think about and it automatically lifts my spirits every single time. Great analogy.

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Montecristo Travels (Sonja) May 7, 2014 at 11:59 am

You did the story justice. You kept it simple and truthful. We all hold the power to do this for a person at some point in our lives. Be it a child, a family member, a loved one or total stranger. Yet how often do we? The other day, I saw a woman that was just stunning. Not in the classical beauty sense – but in her vibrant demeanor, elegance and joy. So I got out of my shell… I told her. I said: “Thank you for your vibrant energy”. She beamed at me a huge smile and said “Thank you for saying that!”… and then HUGGED ME! It still makes me smile. It’s not as deep or profound a moment as yours but … perhaps a reminder to all of us that there is more to share than just “hello” or “you look nice” or “I like your top”… a reminder to use our words with more precision and care, to use our eyes and our emotions more.
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Kim May 8, 2014 at 5:39 am

I’m so glad you pulled from the story that idea that we all have the power to do that for someone else. In one version of the story I even made a mention of that, but then I took it out and hoped that that lesson would just come through in the telling of the story. I’m glad it did.

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Tracey May 8, 2014 at 1:41 pm

This was such a beautiful story. I believe in the power in the universe. There is good and bad floating all around us. The good is attracted to good. If you do good, have good in your thoughts and your heart, goodness will come back to you and vice versa. Your experience with that lovely women is proof of that chemistry Kim:)
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Kim May 10, 2014 at 5:46 am

Thanks Tracey. I’m glad I was finally able to find the words to share it!

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Grace May 9, 2014 at 9:33 am

A lovely story and so beautifully written! I think you captured that moment wonderfully, it brought tears to my eyes and filled my heart! I truly think we encounter God in the people we meet in the most unexpected places. Thank you for sharing!
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Kim May 10, 2014 at 5:46 am

I’m happy to share, Grace. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

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Marcy May 11, 2014 at 5:36 pm

This is so beautiful. I am not a religious person, but I was very moved by the woman and your story.
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Kim May 12, 2014 at 7:56 am

Thank you Marcy.

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Amy May 12, 2014 at 12:38 am

What a beautiful memory to have, it makes for a great story too. Those kind of random, spontaneous connections with people are the moments I remember the most fondly too. I haven’t gotten to India but hopefully by the end of the year I’ll make it there; I love your Kameez by the way :)
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Kim May 12, 2014 at 7:57 am

Ahh, India is my favorite place so enjoy your time there!!!

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JeKaren Taylor May 17, 2014 at 8:52 am

Your story brought tears to my eyes. i have had these moments, but could never really explain why they were so powerful. I felt a little silly, honestly. God has a way of revealing himself to those who want to see, in ways you would never expect. #sitssharefest
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Kim May 20, 2014 at 7:21 pm

It’s so hard to put into words why they are so powerful. Words will never quite capture it but those that have had similar experiences (as you have) understand.

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Anna May 19, 2014 at 9:11 pm

What a beautiful story! It’s hard to describe things like this that happen India isn’t it but you did it beautifully. I also found some kind of magic there and I wasn’t seeking religion or god either. My absoulte best experience from India was experiencing the love, laughter and colour when I was lucky enough to be invited to a wedding party – the random things that happen in India and the people can be amazingly beautiful, kind and generous!
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Kim May 20, 2014 at 7:24 pm

Oh, I wish I would have gone to an Indian wedding. I’ve heard there are amazing. Lucky you :)

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Catherine May 20, 2014 at 12:19 pm

What a beautiful stories. Such simple words but so profound. Had left me speechless, or perhaps wordless is more fitting.
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Kim May 20, 2014 at 7:25 pm

Thanks you Catherine :)

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Jodi May 21, 2014 at 8:47 am

I. LOVE. THIS. You are an excellent writer, Kim. Thank you for sharing.
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Kim May 22, 2014 at 9:04 am

Thanks Jodi :)

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